We are so blessed to have access to His Word, to be able to own it, house it in our homes and in our hearts, to read it and experience its life-giving power. It is the guide by which we are to live; the standard by which we are to measure our lives. It’s so much more than just a book -- IT IS LIFE. Thank God that you have access to God-breathed, supernatural knowledge through His Holy Word. Make known to Him how much you appreciate His lamp unto your feet and light unto your path. Ask that He would use His Word to daily reveal Truth to you as you journey with Christ. [Psalm 18:30, Psalm 33:4, Psalm 130:5, John 1:1, John 1:1
Some days it can be hard to feel thankful when there’s a cranky kid, 13 loads of dirty clothes, a kitchen that looks like a crime scene, and a busted radiator. But no matter the setbacks and aggravations, and no matter how we feel, one thing remains the same--He is present in the trials we face. Even the smallest of trials do not go unnoticed by Him. Thank Him for the hard stuff. Thank Him for using these things to strengthen your dependency on Him and your faith in Him. Pray for trust in Him on the hardest of days and keep praises on your lips. [Isaiah 55: 8-9, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, James 1:2-4]
Godly wisdom is vital in our walk with Christ and with others. In fact, the book of Proverbs refers to wisdom as “the principal thing.” Take time to thank God for His wisdom, guidance and direction in our lives. We are so blessed to be able to consult Him- His Word- to direct our paths and help us get to the end of our journey here on Earth with as few regrets as possible. Pray you would be sensitive to the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit in your decisions, great and small. [Psalm 32:8, Proverbs 4:7]
Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue. John 12:42
Follow God, Not People by Joyce Meyer
The Bible teaches us in John 12:42-43 that many of the leading men believed in Jesus but would not confess it for fear that if they did, they would be expelled from the synagogue. For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God (John 12:43).
In this example, we see that some people were hindered from a relationship with Jesus because they were addicted to approval. Although they wanted a relationship with the Lord, they loved the approval of man more. That is sad, but it happens all the time.
The people mentioned in John 12 knew that Jesus was real. They believed in Him, but the love of approval would not permit them to have a true relationship with Him.
I wonder how their lives turned out. What did they miss because they said yes to people and no to God? I wonder how many of them were never mentioned in the Bible again. I wonder if they faded into oblivion and never fulfilled their destiny because they loved the approval of men more than the approval of God. How many of them spent their lives disrespecting themselves because they were people-pleasers?
Follow God, not people!
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8
Are God’s Thoughts Your Thoughts? by Joyce Meyer
Whose thoughts are you thinking? If your thoughts are not God’s thoughts, I recommend changing your thinking! If we want to have what God wants us to have, then we will need to learn to think the way He thinks.
In Jeremiah 29:11, God says, For I know the thoughts that I think toward you… (KJV). God has thoughts for you. Do you think about you and your life the way God is thinking about you?
If you’re not thinking the way God is thinking, you are not going to end up with God’s plan for you. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, For as he thinks in his heart, so is he… (AMPC).
You can stop God’s plan by thinking your own fleshly thoughts, or agreeing with others’ or Satan’s thoughts, or you can think God’s thoughts and believe and receive the good plan He has for your life. Who are you in agreement with?
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith. Matthew 21:22
Unseen Promises Exist by Joyce Meyer
Before the fulfillment of God’s promise to multiply Abram, He changed his name from Abram (“high exalted father”) to Abraham, (“father of a multitude”) (See Genesis 17:1–6). God spoke the promise long before it was visible to anyone.
Anything that is in the Word of God is a promise that be can rightfully and legally spoken forth even before it visibly exists.
Reach into the spiritual realm, that you cannot see, and pull the promises of God out of there, with the words of your mouth, and prophesy them into existence. Read God’s Word, and speak as the Holy Spirit leads you to do so today
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Let God Help You by Joyce Meyer
There have been times when we have all tried to handle our circumstances instead of trusting God to take care of them for us. It is not a sign of weakness to admit that we cannot help ourselves—it is the truth. You may be frustrated, struggling, and unhappy simply because you are trying to fix something you cannot do anything about. You may be trying to change something that only God can change.
While you are waiting for God to take care of the situation, I encourage you to be thankful that God is in control and to decide to enjoy the wait. That may be hard because it takes patience, but it pays marvelous dividends in the end. Waiting on God honors Him, and the Bible says that the person who honors God will be honored by Him (see 1 Samuel 2:30 NIV).
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Matthew 11:28 (AMPC)
Relax! God Is Working by Joyce Meyer
Being relaxed feels wonderful. Being nervous, tense, and worried are not so wonderful. Why aren’t more people relaxed? Jesus said if we are weary and overburdened, we should go to Him and He will give us rest, relaxation, and ease (see Matthew 11:28–29).
Jesus wants to teach us the right way to live, which is different from the way most of the world lives.
It would be putting it mildly to say that I was an uptight woman for the first half of my life. I simply did not know how to relax, and it was due to me not being willing to completely trust God. I trusted God for things, but not in things. I kept trying to be the one in control. Even though God was in the driver’s seat of my life, I kept one hand on the wheel just in case He took a wrong turn.
Relaxation is impossible without trust! If you know you can’t fix the problem you have, then why not relax while God is working on it? It sounds easy, but it took many years for me to be able to do this.
I know from experience that the ability to relax and go with the flow in life is dependent upon our willingness to trust God completely. If things don’t go your way, instead of being upset, you can believe that getting your way was not what you needed. God knew that, so He gave you what was best for you, instead of what you wanted.
If you are waiting much longer than you had hoped to, you can get frustrated, angry, and upset, or you can say, “God’s timing is perfect; He is never late. And my steps are ordered by the Lord.” Now you can relax and simply go with the flow of what is happening in your life.
When it comes to things that are out of our control, we can either ruin the day or relax and enjoy it while God is working on the situation. As long as we believe, God keeps working!
And there are [distinctive] ways of working [to accomplish things], but it is the same God who produces all things in all believers [inspiring, energizing, and empowering them]. 1 Corinthians 12:6 (AMP)
Energize by Joyce Meyer
To energize means, "to give strength or force to; to give active vigor to."
All of our thoughts, good or bad, have an effect on our physical being. The mind and body are definitely connected. Positive, hopeful thoughts energize our soul and physical bodies, whereas negative, hopeless thoughts drain our energy.
Physical tiredness is not always a result of wrong thinking. We can certainly have a sickness or disease that leads to a loss of energy, or we may even wake up tired for no known reason. But we do know that science and medical technology verify that the mind and body have a close connection, and that our thinking does have a direct effect on our body.
Our bodies are like automobiles that God provides for us to drive around on earth. If we want them to perform to their maximum ability and be energized, then we need to choose to think in ways that will help fuel them.
My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes; Keep them in the midst of your heart; For they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh. Proverbs 4:20-22 (NKJV)
Meditation Produces Success by Joyce Meyer
When we refer to “meditating,” we mean we ponder something and give it our full attention. A French couple helped me see that meditation is like eating. They will take a bite of food after they have enjoyed the way it looks on the plate. They comment on the pleasant aroma and often mention one or two special ingredients. They chew slowly and deliberately, and they sometimes even comment on how it makes the inside of their mouth feel.
That seems a bit too much for most Americans, but that’s a good picture of meditating on God’s Word. We don’t just wolf down a few words or a verse and hurry on to the next. We pause to reflect on a word, a phrase, or a concept. We compare that scripture with others that come to mind. We feel in no hurry to dash to the end of the chapter.
The words are there for us to savor and enjoy. We should learn to be more concerned about quality than quantity. It is more important to get a deep understanding of one verse of Scripture than it is to read five chapters and understand nothing.
Meditating on God’s Word demands discipline. We live in such a fast-paced world that few of us make time to meditate. We should form a habit of setting aside time just to sit and think about God’s Word and the wonderful promises He has made to those who believe in Him.
The blessed person mentioned in Psalm 1 is the person who meditates on God’s Word “by day and by night.” The expression “by day and by night” means that it is a major part of a person’s life. It’s a way of saying that thinking about the Word of God should be a regular part of daily activity. This will require casting down wrong thoughts when they come and choosing to think on things that will benefit us. If we keep ourselves focused, it pays off spiritually.
I spend time with God in prayer and in study of His Word each morning, but I also apply the Word to situations that I deal with all throughout the day. During the writing of this devotion, I got some bad news by phone, and my response was to quote and think about various promises in God’s Word. His Word strengthens us and helps us keep our peace and joy.
I titled this “Meditation Produces Success” because it’s important for us to understand that contemplating the meaning of Scripture isn’t simply a good thing to do or an activity reserved for scholars. It’s God’s command to all of us. It is a requirement for true success.
I thought of the instructions to Joshua as he prepared to lead the people into the Promised Land. The first few verses of the book of Joshua provide God’s direction for him. There were at least two million people going into the land, and the responsibility of leading them was immense.
God promised to be with Joshua as He was with Moses, and He urged the new leader to be very courageous. Then He said, This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success (Joshua 1:8 AMPC).
The instructions seem clear. Joshua had the commands of God, and his primary responsibility was to contemplate those words. By immersing himself in the law, he was learning to understand the mind of God more fully. God went on to say that if Joshua kept his mind and heart on the law, he would be prosperous and successful.
Too often people focus on their problems instead of meditating on God’s promises. As they do, their problems seem to get bigger, and God’s power diminishes.
God doesn’t want Satan to fill your mind. He doesn’t want you to give him the opportunity to inject wrong and negative thoughts into your head. For the enemy to control your life, all he needs to do is to control your thoughts. Make a decision right now that you will not allow him to do that. Don’t let him defeat you.
SEVEN THINGS TO KNOW IF YOUR SPOUSE IS DIFFICULT
“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:17-18)
There is a good chance your spouse is not everything you hoped for in a marriage. Of course, neither are you. Imperfect people have a way of disappointing imperfect people. Perchance your spouse is difficult at times to live with, here are seven things for you to know.
God Loves You
There is a loneliness in a difficult marriage that keeps you alone. If you are not careful, you can begin to think the good Lord has left you too. It is not true. God loves you, and your circumstances do not alter His love for you. Conditions can change you, but one of the Lord’s many attributes is His immutability: He never changes (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8).
Your Spouse Is Caught
Paul would say something caught your spouse (Galatians 6:1). Imagine if you were walking through the woods and found your spouse ensnared around the ankle by a bear trap. Your spouse is caught in sin, and cannot extricate himself/herself from it. The caught-ness does not excuse the behavior or the need to confront it, but it does help you to understand there’s a greater issue in play (Galatians 6:1-2).
You Are To Restore
Paul wants you to give serious thought to how you respond to your spouse. If you walked up on your spouse in the forest, how would you respond? Would you become angry because something caught your spouse or would you try to gently restore while keeping watch on your soul, so you do not become tempted to sin?
Find Some Help
Because of your spouse’s habituation in a pattern of difficulty and your vulnerability, you must reach out for help. Do not go through this alone. Regardless of your spouse’s desire to control you, find someone to walk with through this process. Even the Bible’s call to submission does not prevent you from helping a caught person.
Prepare For the Long Haul
I do not know if your spouse will ever change. I do know there are several situations in the Bible where the Lord allowed sin. Paul’s thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7-10), the story of Joseph, (Genesis 50:20), as well as the story of Pharaoh (Exodus 9:16; Romans 9:17), are three examples. The most profound illustration where God allowed sin for His greater purposes is when He crushed His Son (Isaiah 53:10).
Pray Without Ceasing
Though I am not sure your spouse will change, there is no question the Lord is calling you to an other-world reliance on Him (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). You cannot fix your spouse (1 Corinthians 3:6). I know you know this, but I want to state it clearly, and you need to remind yourself of this truth over and over again. Your most compelling call to action is to pray (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
Guard Your Heart
Guard your heart with all diligence because what flows out of it will determine the course of your life (Proverbs 4:23; Luke 6:45). Your marriage is a temptation for you to sin because of your disappointment. Do you hear yourself thinking? Do you hear how you speak to others about your marriage? Do your close friends agree that you’re guarding your heart?
Time to Reflect
Your gratitude will affect your attitude. It is a quirky saying, but you will remember it, and if you apply the saying to your life, it will begin to change you regardless of what happens to your spouse.
DOES YOUR MARRIAGE LOOK LIKE THIS?
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)
A husband and wife are not just two people within the marriage. Yes, they have independent relationships with the LORD and with other people, but they are also one flesh. Like our blessed Trinity, there is perfect oneness that unites the Persons.
This kind of union is both a mystery and practical reality. Though you cannot fully understand what a one flesh union means, you can functionally and faithfully participate in a one flesh marriage, while enjoying its benefits.
Before two people make a one flesh covenant (agreement) with God, they were two individuals belonging to different family units. At some point after meeting, they realized that being with each other was worth leaving their respective families to set-up their unique autonomous domestic empire.
A family is not just when a couple has children, but when a couple is married. The first family unit was Adam and Eve. They later added children to their family unit. This newly formed family of two agreed they would honor, cherish, love, and serve each other until death separated their one flesh union.
At the beginning of any marital covenant the couple, for the most part, are two different entities. Though “on paper” they are one flesh under God and before the world, they are yet unable to enjoy all the benefits of being one flesh fully. With time, grace, community, and intentionality, it will be possible for them to mature into a God-husband-wife harmonic union.
Not able to entirely enjoy what it means to be one flesh is similar to our relationship with the LORD. After your second birth (John 3:7), you received everything (2 Peter 1:3) needed to be Christlike (Ephesians 4:22-24). However, the functional working out (Philippians 2:12) of the fullness that God intends for you to enjoy takes a while to enjoy thoroughly (2 Peter 3:18).
One flesh living is a lifelong journey. From your first introduction to your future separation at death, your lives should be an ever-unfolding mystery that incrementally reveals itself as you navigate the contours of life together.
The idea of living in a one flesh marriage is like many petals on a flower that mature through time. It is an assimilation of mind, body, soul, spirit, emotions, will, strengths, weaknesses, and more. Here are some of the goals a married couple moves toward as they begin to mature into a practical one flesh union. Begin each descriptor below with, “We are one in…”
Desires Passions Affection for God Parenting Finances
Plans Aspirations Choices Thoughts Ideas
Words Manners Relationships Tastes Interpretations
Dreams Friendships Forgiveness Humor Confession
Hobbies Expectations Fun Intimacy Prayer
A man and a woman are different in many ways, particularly as it pertains to their personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and gifts. To be one flesh does not mean they are to be a carbon copy of each other. It means all of their positives and negatives, strengths and weaknesses blend into a unified, harmonic, God-centered, other-centered, one flesh union.
What Adam was missing, Eve supplied. What Eve was missing, Adam provided. Like gears perfectly meshing into each other to make the machine function at an optimal level, the husband and wife “mesh” into each other so they can present a God-glorifying symmetry.
Being different does not have to displace unity. Because of the grace of God, your differences within your one-flesh union should create completeness and wholeness. Just like in the Trinity, there is a place for differences within the unity.
Time to Reflect
Think about the “one flesh” list above. Which ones stuck out to you? What other one-flesh ideas would you add to the list? Add three things.
DOES YOUR BEHAVIOR PUSH YOUR SPOUSE TO CHRIST?
“God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
How do you positively or negatively contribute to your marriage? In broad categories, you can help in one of two ways, though you probably assist in both, depending on what is going on in any particular season of your marriage:
You can motivate your spouse by grace.
You can de-motivate your spouse by your sinful attitudes, words, or behaviors.
There are times that a spouse can be so hurt and so angry with their spouse—because of the ongoing disappointments from their spouse—that they do not see their sinful contributions to the marriage.
Those are the sad situations where the person shuts out the Spirit of God from the marriage (Ephesians 4:30; 1 Thessalonians 5:19). The mounting disappointment is overwhelming, and the spouses are more about grenade launching than redemptive communication (Ephesians 4:29).
For the wife, it will almost always be in the area of respect. Nothing will cut the heart out of a husband like a wife’s disrespecting attitude or tongue. Her husband is wired to lead, but because of sin, his temptation is to lead poorly, especially in their marriage. I am sorry it is this way, but too often, that is the case. He needs a wife’s assistance to help him to lead well.
For the husband, it is mostly about love and protection. Nothing will cut the heart out of a wife like a husband who is lazy in his love and his protective care. If he does not love his wife well, he is contributing to her steady distancing from the marriage (Ephesians 5:28-29). Though she is responsible for her choice to distance herself, he is responsible for his sinful contribution to her actions.
The answers for the husband and the wife are to think about each other the way Christ thinks about them. Christ loves imperfect people, and He is always busy working on their behalf, seeking to redeem and transform them into His likeness.
Is your spouse imperfect? Does that surprise you? It should not. The testimony of Scripture is far less flattering regarding the human condition. Your spouse deserves to go to hell. There is nothing that speaks to his/her worthlessness like the outcome for all spouses, who have not been born a second time (John 3:7; Romans 3:12; Revelation 20:15).
The good news is how the gospel penetrates all people’s nonsense and gives them something undeserved. The gospel gives spouses empowering favor (James 3:6). What they get is not based upon their behaviors (Isaiah 64:6), but upon the grace, mercy, and love of God (Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 3:5).
Imitating Christ’s redemptive behavior is how you are to live with your spouse (1 Corinthians 11:1). Christ does not put things in your way to demotivate you to live for His glory. He is not annoying or aggravating. He draws you by His love. He overcomes your nonsense by keeping His eye on a better prize (Hebrews 12:2; Philippians 3:14).
Christ is a transformer, whose purpose is to transform your life. Even being despised and rejected by others did not deter Him from His restorative goals (Isaiah 53:3; Galatians 6:1-2).
Time to Reflect
Think about how what you should be doing to your spouse is what Christ does for you.
How has your behavior contributed to the state of your marriage?
Does your spouse feel encouraged being around you?
RADICAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION TIP
“First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)
A few years ago I was counseling a couple who were angry with each other. During our counseling, I asked the wife what was wrong with the marriage. Without hesitation or skipping a beat, she gave me a long, clear, and detailed list of all the things that were wrong with her husband. There was no question about it: he was a failure.
Because I like to play fair, I turned to the husband and asked him about the state of their marriage. Without flinching or taking a breath, the husband gave me a list of all the things his wife had done wrong in their marriage. There was no question about it: she was a failure.
Two people looking at the same thing had two completely different perspectives on how their marriage became such a dysfunctional mess.
Not to be discouraged because of their impeccable memories about what was wrong with their marriage, I turned back to the wife and asked her to give me a list of all the good things she appreciated about her husband. I asked the husband for a similar list regarding his wife.
At that point, the most fascinating thing happened. Without warning and within seconds both spouses were overcome with a severe case of amnesia. They could not think of anything.
Because my combatants found themselves stuck in their self-imposed self-righteousness, I decided to take another angle to break the conundrum. I read Matthew 7:3-5 to them.
I asked each spouse to list all the ways they had personally failed in their marriage. The one stipulation was they could not add the word “but” to any of their reasons for their personal failures in the marriage. Their log list was to include all overt as well as less discernible offenses that they had inflicted on each other.
Simultaneously to building their log lists, I asked them to create a grace list. They were to write down all of the good things they appreciated about their spouse, as well as all the good things their spouse does in their marriage.
I would like to say they did what I asked them to do, but that was not the case. It is rare for any couple to take this challenge because of the claim that stubbornness, unforgiveness, and other pride-related issues have on their hearts.
The gospel is radical by itself, but it is even more radical when two people begin to practicalize it into their lives. What about you? Has the gospel radicalized you? There are two ways to assess yourself:
Are you more aware of and more willing to identify your sin than the sin of your spouse?
Are you more willing to be an encouragement to your spouse rather than a critic?
If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. But love your enemies and do good…for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. – Luke 6:32-33, 35
Time to Reflect
If you want to radicalize your marriage, here are four things you can do today:
Start your log list.
Start your grace list.
Meet with your spouse to confess your log list, while asking for forgiveness.
Share your grace list, while thanking God for His work in the life of your spouse.
DATING TO DIVORCE AND HOW WE GOT THERE
“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:8-10)
If you put two sinners in a room (home) for an extended period with no plan for escape, you can expect problems. There may be a lot of love along the way, but there will also be problems. It’s unavoidable.
The dating couple can break-up and go on to the next relationship. Vocational relationships are similar. If you don’t like your boss or the environment in which you work, you can move on to the next thing.
Marriage is different. Though it’s easy to get into, there is no escape plan other than death (Matthew 19:8). Sadly, too many couples ignore the hardness of their hearts and create an alternate plan. It’s called divorce.
By the time two people enter a dating relationship, they come together with baggage: fallen shaping influences given to them by Adam, others, and their poor personal choices. Then after you mix their baggage together, there is no way to avoid sinful combustion in the home.
As you have probably surmised, you and your spouse are sinners. You not only came from your respective mothers’ wombs speaking lies (Psalm 58:3), but you created a whole lot of baggage before you met each other. Some of your baggage was your doing, while other individuals heaped the rest of it upon you. Either way, you both came together with more luggage than Samsonite.
Perhaps you did not perceive all the issues during your dating relationship. Maybe your pre-marriage counseling was inadequate. Too often there is no one with the courage, grace, wisdom, or competence to speak into the lives of engaged couples. And to tell the truth, you were “in love,” so there was very little anyone could say to you anyway, right?
You left your baggage at the dating door and didn’t pick it up again until you were six months into your marriage. If you have been a wise and humble couple, you have sought help for your marriage. You know that the best sanctification happens in a community.
Sometimes couples do not seek help early, and after being married for more than a decade, they cannot keep their problems under wraps any longer. Their marriage problems begin to escape their ability to keep it quiet. The couple’s nest is emptying as their children become older, and they are still without a sin plan. The children are no longer a distraction, and the struggling couple has to decide between four options:
Get a divorce.
Find other distractions like ministry, hobbies, or grandchildren.
Coexist in a house that is not a home, waiting on one of them to die.
My appeal to any couple in trouble, regardless of the length of their marriage, is to get help. God’s grace is greater than your problems, no matter how complex you think your problems are. The Bible has a lot to say about working through conflict. There is a plan for sin, and it begins with the gospel. The only requirement is humility (James 4:6).
Though you may have begun on the wrong foot, it does not mean you have to stay that way. God came to redeem and restore what you cannot fix. Redeeming broken things is at the heart of the gospel. I appeal to you to get help today!
Time to Reflect
Are you still surprised that your spouse sins? If so, why are you surprised?
Rather than being frustrated by your spouse’s failures, what is one way you can cooperate with God in helping your spouse change (Galatians 6:1-2)?
THE MOST EFFECTIVE THING YOU CAN DO
“Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24)
The modeling and practicing of repentance in your home are at the top of the list of what you both should be doing. And if you are not doing this well, your marriage can only limp along, with a Bandaid approach to death, while accelerating the accumulative frustration that leftover, hungover sinning does to you.
There is no way to circumvent the hard and humble way of going to your spouse, confessing your sin, asking for forgiveness, and for that spouse to have a similar kind of humility that forgiveness granting exemplifies to the offender.
And from that good starting point, you will know if you have authentically buried the hatchet if you can talk about what happened in nonpunitive ways. There is no biblical reason for a Christian couple not to do this, but I suspect the overwhelming majority of those who name the name of Christ do not live out authentic, practical repentance in their marriages.
But it gets better: After you have declared that you nailed the sin to Jesus’ cross, you can start doing the grace-empowered work of working through what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how to keep from repeating the offense.
Where else in God’s world can the offender and the offended collaborate in the sanctification of the offender, and the ongoing restorative development of their marriage? Real life change is a stunning turn of events for fallen people. And it’s one of the best kept secrets in Christian families and the local churches they attend.
If you are a practitioner of full repentance, keep on digging into the process. It’s a gift from the Lord (2 Timothy 2:24-25). Don’t ever let up. Refine it. Be sure it is reflexive repentance: as soon as you sin, you name it and claim it, and your spouse reflexes in a similar way by granting repentance and then restoring the marriage.
Time to Reflect:
Here are the 13-steps in sequential order to authentic, biblical repentance. I’ve labeled and defined each step for you. As you read through the list, ask yourself if you are doing these things?
Sin – What does it mean to have clearly defined sin categories?
Guilt – Do you understand that all sin brings guilt, whether you know it or not?
Conviction – Do you have a biblically informed conscience that experiences the Spirit’s conviction?
Confession – After you sin, do you “agree” with God (and anyone else you sinned against) that you transgressed?
Pre-forgiveness – When your spouse sins against you, do you quickly get to the place to where you want to forgive your spouse?
Forgiveness – When you sin, do you seek to transact forgiveness with your spouse?
Post-forgiveness – Does the power of the gospel neutralize the offense between both of you so you can talk about what happened?
Reconcile – After you ask for and receive forgiveness, are you able to reconcile by the power of the gospel.
Restoration – With the sin behind you, do you actively seek to keep from doing it again?
Put off – Do your sin categories give you the insight you need to know what to put off?
Renew your mind – As you are putting off the offense, are you training your inner person not to do it again?
Put on – What does it mean to put on Christ?
Disciple – Active repentance is not about getting better, but about getting better so you can help others. Are you practically discipling your spouse?
HIS PROBLEMS, HER PROBLEMS: ONE PROBLEM
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become
one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
I watched my wife go through three miscarriages. They happened to her. It was her pain, her
disappointment, her fear.
They were my miscarriages too. I did not feel and hurt the way she did. I have no idea of the physical,
mental, and emotional agony of a miscarriage–at least not the way she does. But I hurt because she was
hurting. I hurt because I lost something too. We are one flesh.
When someone murdered my brother in 1997, my wife hurt along with me. She did not hurt the way I did,
but she hurt because her husband was hurting. We are not two people, acting independently of each other.
We are one body (Hebrews 13:3). When I sin–no matter what it is–my wife has a responsibility in that
sin. She would never say,
That’s Rick’s problem. That’s his sin.
No, it’s our sin. She is not guilty of my sin, and she does not repent of my sin, but she has a role to play
because she is me and I am her–we are one. When I sin, she runs to my aid by calling me out or caring for
me. She becomes my disciple. My confidant. Similar to when a briar cuts an arm, the body comes to the
Too often when one marriage partner sins, the other acts as though they are not part of the one flesh
union. This kind of marriage detachment is the Job’s wife syndrome: the non-sinning spouse gets mad
when the other spouse sins (Job 2:9).
Ironically, this means both of them are sinning. When two people respond sinfully to sin, they both are
guilty before God and before each other. They both need to repent.
It’s like cursing your arm when it gets cut. That’s weird. That’s your body. You shouldn’t get mad at
yourself when something happens to yourself. Are you following my logic? It is biblical insanity to get
mad at your spouse when he (she) sins.
When part of the body rejects another part of the body, you have a problem. You better call a doctor or, in
this case, if you’re unwilling to repent, you better call your pastor or some other competent helper. You
need help. There is something wrong with your body.
Are you a rescuer and restorer or are you a critic and condemner? You’ll never be more tested on this than
when your spouse does something that hurts you. Never forget that your spouse is an instrument the
LORD uses to mature you.
We see this in Paul’s warning about a person in sin and a person who helps a person in sin. Take a look at
these three verses and note how much time he spent talking to the helper (47 words) rather than the
person in sin (7 words).
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of
gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill
the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
If you don’t see your spouse’s problem as your problem, you won’t be an active part of the solution, and
your marriage will go to places where it cannot recover. Paul warned the restorers to guard their hearts
against this kind of self-deception.
Time to Reflect:
How would you characterize yourself as it pertains to your spouse: are you more of a restorer or
ARE YOU “FOR” YOUR SPOUSE?
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave
himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
If you are going to imitate the Lord in your marriage (Ephesians 5:1), being “for” your spouse must be a
logical and loving practice. That is how Paul talked to the Romans about the Lord’s attitude toward them.
He said God was for them.
And God is for you too. Think just a moment about how God is for you and how that motivates you to
love Him. God being “for you” is the highlight of the gospel; He is the one person you cannot have
Before Paul told the Christians in Rome that God was for them in Romans 8:31, he provided a few
practical examples of how God was for them (Romans 8:29-30). He talked about God’s active goodness
on behalf of those He loves. Here is how he said it:
For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he
might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those
whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. (Romans 8:29-30)
They were not left to wonder about God’s “for-ness” toward them. They felt the assurance of His love,
based on His activity. He foreknew them, predestined them, called them, justified them, and glorified
Do you remember the context in which Paul wrote Romans? People were killing the Christians in Rome.
It was a public slaughter, a time of personal disappointment and defeat. The culture had turned against
them, and Paul wanted the believers to know they were not alone: God was there. God was for them.
Not only does he remind them of what God did (vs. 29-30) by bringing them to the point where they
could clearly see God’s activity in their lives (vs. 31), but he continued to hammer the gospel nail by
repeatedly reminding them of Sovereign God’s protective care. (Read Romans 8:32-39)
Speaking about God’s love for them only once was not enough for Paul. He believed in gospel
redundancy–using different words and ways to say the same thing until his audience not only understood
what he was saying but that knowledge transformed them.
What better thing could you give to your spouse? If the Lord is for your undeserving spouse and you are
for your undeserving spouse, your spouse is in the best place any human could be. The two greatest things
that could ever happen to a couple is for them to live in the overflowing awareness of God’s unmerited
pleasure while exporting and experiencing each other’s undeniable affection for each other.
Take a Moment to Reflect:
You would do well to follow Paul’s example by examining your heart as it pertains to how you think
about and treat your spouse. These questions will aid you as you think about the gospel and its practical
outworking in your marriage.
Is your spouse assured of your love, based on your actions (James 1:22)?
Do You Want to Know a Secret?
Read: Colossians 1:24-26
During Jesus’s ministry, “The disciples came to Him and asked, ‘Why do you speak to the people in parables?’ He replied, ‘Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them’” (Matthew 13:10-12).
The “them” in verse 12 refers to non-believers. In Jesus’s day, many of his stories remained a mystery, or a secret, to non- believers. But, then came Paul. He was able to reveal that Jesus came to seek and save lost sinners just like us. He said in Colossians that he had become a “suffering” servant of the body of Christ, which is the church. He was presenting “the word of God in its fullness.” Because Paul told the world, people heard about Jesus and came to know him.
We can do what Paul did and share the story of Jesus. Because we now have the Bible, we can both tell and show the story. As believers in a relationship with Him, through the Holy Spirit, Jesus continually reveals new things to us as we read scripture and pray. We want to share with others the knowledge and joy this brings. It’s one way to be sure we are progressing in our journey of learning about who Jesus is and who he wants us to be.
The Bible only remains a secret if it is not read. To a world that still waits in desperation to hear the Good News, what a joy to share the wondrous secret that God’s word is alive and active and waiting to be revealed (Hebrews 4:12)!
· If you are not spending at least 10 minutes each day reading your Bible, start today with a Bible reading plan!
· What is one way you have found reading the Bible to be difficult? What is one way you have found joy and comfort in reading?
· What are some scriptures that you have found especially helpful in your journey? Have you thought about sharing those with others as a way to introduce them to Bible reading?
You Have a New Address
Read: Colossians 1:17-23
Have you ever felt dominated by something? Like it’s ruling your life? Maybe every fall you refuse to schedule anything on Saturdays so that you can watch your favorite college football team play. Or maybe you’ve said that if you don’t get at least two cups of coffee in the morning everyone should watch out. Sometimes, things can take control of our life without us consciously deciding to submit. Sometimes, it’s more serious than college football or caffeine. Sometimes it’s sin.
All of us have sinned. Do you ever feel controlled by your sin? Like you can’t get out from it? Like you don’t have a choice in doing it? Or like the guilt that you feel from it will never leave you? You aren’t alone. We have all felt that way, and in Colossians, Paul writes about Christ’s answer to that.
Paul says that Christ, who has given us redemption and forgiveness of our sins, has rescued us from sin’s control over us. He says that Christ has brought us into His Kingdom, under His protection.
Because of Christ’s rescue, we no longer have to feel the weight of sin’s dominion over us. We don’t live in the kingdom of sin anymore. We live in the Kingdom of God!
· The only way to have our hearts changed to be more like God’s is if we’re honest with Him about what we struggle with. What do you feel like has control over you?
· What’s one way that you can thank God for rescuing you from sin today?
· In Mark 5:19, Jesus says “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” In what way (and with whom), can you share your story with today?
If you’d like to read more about how Christ has freed us from sin, just check out Romans 6.